有感而發
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一步一步的，我离开了人群的喧嚣，漫无目地的在空无一人的道路上步行着，不知是耀眼的灯光模糊了视线，还是在眼眶里打转的泪水当着了我前方的路。到底是路上已无一人，还是我对于他们的存在视而不见？我的脚步缓缓的前进着，mp3 仍播着同一首歌曲。是旋律勾起了我的伤感，还是自己单纯的不舍让热泪夺眶而出。
温温的泪水缓缓的落下，在街灯的照射下仿佛变成了吊灯上温暖的水晶，不过它却温暖不了我那已冷却的心。
不知自己在路上走了多久、走了多远。身边的景物随着我的步伐也徐徐的改变着。虽然mp3仍旧是播着《我不会唱歌》，但我脑海中的旋律却是《说好的幸福呢》。小猪一路上陪伴着我，但我还是感到无比的孤独与寂寞，因为我很清楚自己想要得只是你的陪伴、你的关心、你的拥抱。可是那些全是你不能给我的。 — 待續
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These days I’ve really gone into a “Shit Hits the Fan” situation. Bad things comes one after another. Last sat, 11 Oct, went for a hair make over and it became a disaster. That night, my heel broke. Monday, Yan broke up with her bf and I ended up with an injured knee and make myself cycle all the way back to hostel up all the bloody slopes ending up in a pudding of my own perspiration. Worse has yet to come. Wed, I lost my brand new C902… Damn sad about it… The whole week was spent in misery and hard work. Everyday that week was spent in school with my PBL group till 10pm in school, and slp at 3 - 4am to finish up the stuff back at hostel. I bet the rest are the same too…
Last sat, met up with Val after my work at my dad’s stall. He gimme that signature black face again. As usual, there’s a distance between us, not just emotionally but physically. I can’t remember the last time he took the initiative to hold my hands or just give me a well-needed hug. I can’t feel you anymore to a point I really feel like giving up. That night when you just went off, I felt especially low and I didn’t know what else to do but to continue walking on the street.
Messaged a couple of people, only one replied. Walked all the way to CQ, the same route but the feeling and you were no longer there. Tears rolled down my cheeks, as though they were leaving a trail behind me, hoping to lead you to me. However, you never came. Not even a sms to check if I’ve got home. Sat along the river where we used to hang out before we got together, where we exchanged our first kiss.
The only person who replied me came down and look for me. Had a drink and a chat. Cried my eye balls out and had wished that the hug and comfort had came from you. Didn’t go home until 4am. You used to hang out with me till that time without a whine but things just changed, don’t you agree?
Sun, I made Jes mad as I messed up with the meeting time. But had a great time singing with her n Eve but my heart is still hanging low ever since you left. Went back to school on a Sunday wasnt a very comforting thing to do but we had to. Completed our PBL ppt. Went back to hostel with a bad gastric but you nvr cared. Wish the person who said his heart ache coz of my pain is you. Wished that the person who said his heart melt coz of my singing is you. But it was never you.
Looked through all our photos, the quantity are getting lesser by the months, the smiles were fading as well. Till there were no longer any happy expression on your face. Do you still love me? Do you cherish me? Do you? I wish to get an answer from you but the only standard answer you would give to my every question is “No”. Just like Jes’s signature pose when she take photo.
Perhaps it’s time for us to end this relationship once and for all. I can’t tolerate this shit anymore. However, I still hoped that you will revert back to the Val I once knew.
—- Thoughts on the wild side —-
Suddenly feel like find a boyfriend in campus. At least we won’t be so far away. Haven tried that before as it’s against my principle but I guess trying won’t hurt.
No hurry I guess. If he’s meant to be, he’s meant to be.
